Liz Merridew's blog

blogging

it is good to keep a blog, it gets one to be disciplined.
so, i guess, keep blogging.

since i started this blog when i started those gruesome and funny moments in college and now that all of that is over, i guess that i need to move on.

so...

Goodbye vox.
it was lovely writing to you...

it is time for something...
NEW.

so there

So there, nothing new with my life now. No new homework and no work at all, the life of a fresh graduate can be as boring as a sloth in an Olympic race. Good bye student life and hello....... what? Nothing to say to hello to yet but I know it is coming. Change is coming and it is in the air. So there.

I actually adapted this 'so there' from someone's blogsite. Yeah, I guess it is plagiarism. So sue me. In this two words I read more than just so and there. It is a paragraph of its own or even a book of its own. Within two words or within a single breath of so there everything can be said. Two little words can indeed convey a lot. Two simple words can have a million meaning and no one would ever decipher the meanings. Two words that changes the whole paragraph. Two words that, indeed, have such a big impact it sometimes leave you speechless.

So there. There were we. We just exist in a circle that will not end unless someone dies. We are connected in those ties that most of it we cannot break by our own will. They will exist as long as I exist and it was hell. It was hell at first but not anymore. I have, FINALLY, accepted their existence and I feel relieved. We cannot all have a perfect life but we can all have, I guess, as peaceful existence with our own doing.

So there. It stings but not the way I thought it would hurt. I did not get this THING that I wanted (I thought) badly. I was saddened at first but it did not last as long as I thought it would. I guess I did not want it that bad.... It was a sad day for me when I learned that I was not able to get it but I know that there are other things for me. Maybe not as grand but they could be as exciting and as satisfying like that THING.

So there. I am still waiting for things to change but I know that I need to move, even just a little, for things to change. Things will change for I am moving.

So there. I copied this two words that you use as parting words. I copied it for these words fascinated me like the way you did.

So there.

nothing, yet

LULL.

Nothing, yet.

Thank God for books (my reserves are thinning).

OH NO.

Nothing, yet.

failuEr?

Would I be such a failure if I will not be paid some thousands a month?
Would I be such a failure if I will not be behind a desk and inside an air conditioned room?
Would I be such a failure if I will not be able to get a job after some months of this post?

The hell with society I say.

It's really annoying when people around me are more pressured to plan a future for me than myself.

This shows that sometimes FAILURE is not created by the failed creature but the term is some term coined by the society for someone who did not reached THEIR expectations. And you always think why many failed people surround you?

plastic

AYOKO SA'YO!

I don't feel like coming on Sunday.
Nakakaiyak.
I did some things to make it on Sunday and then now I am having doubts about coming.
Nakakainis.
Why did we have to be acquaintances?
Nakakaasar.
I do not like you that much, I try to avoid you.
Nakakaewan.
Although, do not worry for I am sure that the problem is with me and not you.
Nakakapraning.
I wanted to be there on Sunday but after learning that you would be there I am not sure anymore.
Nakakainis.

I REALLY HATE THIS PREDICAMENT OF SORTS.

an alternative persona

WHERE?

My descend to Motherhood

No this is not a late Happy Mothers' Day tribute or a late shout out Happy Birthday to my mother but rather it is about my fast descend to motherhood. I never knew this day would come...

First of all, NO I am NOT pregnant.

Second, NO I am NOT going to adopt.

Third, this is just a figure of speech or something close to that.

My descend to motherhood was just simply great. I think the world thinks of me as mother this past few days. I have proofs!

Number 1. I take care of my niece (1 year old) and my nephew (2 years old) almost everyday.

Number 2. My niece (8 years old) gave ME a card for Mother's Day! Gawd. Where did that came from? I do not know.

Number 3. Last Saturday when we went swimming a kid told my nephew, whom I've been watching, "hey, you're MOMMY is calling you". Seriously?!?!?! Mommy?!?!?!

So you see.

There it is.

My descend to motherhood and to think I'll never get married. Ha!

Talk about ironies in life....

 

dreams

Lately my dreams are not so random like dreams supposed to be. Lately my dreams are scaring me for when dreaming it feels like being transported to an alternative world that is so freaky. Just like any dreams in my dreams impossible stuff happen like being able to fly, to change clothes instantly, to be rich, or simply to not hurt (and this is the best of all, I guess). They are normal like that but they are freaky in the way that my dreams, of late, have a recurring theme or this thing. Yes, a theme. Please shoot me and be done with it for in death there would be no more dreaming.

There is a theme that scares the hell out of me. It is very awkward when I wake up. It is very weird to say the least. Why is there a recurring theme? Am I that weird that even in dream land I am not normal.

I hate that recurring theme or that thing. I hate it because I think it is what I desired the most but cannot achieve. It is sad really. My dreams of late do remind me of the things I am missing. I ask now..... how would I not miss those things? A love potion perhaps.......

blogsecret

"16119.) I am totally in love with you, yet you probably can’t tell. I wish I wasn’t so good at hiding my feelings behind alcohol and cheap one-night stands. I wish I could just tell you exactly I felt, and I wish you felt it too."

I would curse I guess if I did not told myself to not curse anymore. Never, we said but do we really mean it? At first that "Never" was full of conviction. A working truth rather than a passive lie to get by. At first we swore to the heavens above that "Never" will be our motto. At first we really believe that we are strong enough to stick to that "Never". Then shooting stars came and we find ourselves wishing "Again" or "Just One More Time". I thought you had moved on but I guess the heart is not that strong for such temptations. Congratulations, for we had fooled ourselves in believing that we will stick to that "Never" no matter what will happen. Then with one smile or one look you melt like an ice in a dessert. Why is it hard to move on, you asked? Is it because we really cannot? Is it because there is no such thing as moving on? There is moving on and there are a thousand and one things to do that but we CHOSE not to. I do not clearly know why, maybe we are all just masochist at heart or maybe not. But WE CHOOSE not to move on. We choose to not let go of that feeling or to the idea of you and him/ her. No, I am not the one who posted number 16119 for I do not hide my feelings behind alcohol and cheap one-night stands but I do hide it in friendly smiles and impeccable sarcasm.

"16127.) It’s not your fault, we’re all fucked up."

Vacation

BOOKS

i missed them the most.